Secret Signals Men Give When They Lie

Secret Signals Men Give When They Lie

Cosmopolitan

found on Yahoo.

So Yahoo has been filled with headlines about Obama, the never ending and tragic oil spill we cant seem to figure out how to stop, airplane crashes, and then...this. "Secret Signals Men Give when They Lie", because amongst all the financial, ecological and world hunger tormoil there are women out there still wondering how to tell if their man is lieing or cheating. Newsflash this article wont solve your problem!( :O thats my shocked face :D and thats my big fake grin caused by my smart aleck ways)



This article lists 4 clues to tell if your mans lying by watching his body language and eye movement. Makes me laugh cause I just picture a couple fighting and the guy who just wants to watch football and scratch himself (yes im placing you in a box if you'd rather bake cupcakes or watch Jeapordy all night than here's a blank line for you, _________ fill it in) has to defend himself to his girlfreind about where he was the other day and shes searching for all these clues looking like a bobblehead with her hand on her hips and eyes trying to catch if his move up and to the left.

I than laugh again cause the poor guy is having a hard time taking her anger seriously when she looks like that. So then she gets even more pissed, saying oh I'm glad you find this funny! Then he starts wondering if this fight means they wont roll around in the sheets later and she wonders if his shifty behavior is clue number 3 in that article she read.



Humorous right?

Here's a hint. You're not going to know unless you become like that obsessed professional in the show, Lie to me, which I'm sure all women wish they could have a profession in. Just communicate, and listen. Listen to him, and listen to yourself. You're no dummy you know if he's being faithful or not. Stop paying attention to top 5 clue articles and pay attention to the relationship. Quit worrying and you'll find you have time to notice his behaviors a lot more. Whether they're sincere or not and you'll save me time from picturing women as bobbleheads and having random laughing fits at work. K thanks!

Dangerous high heels: Women's shoes reach hazardous heights during the recession

Dangerous High Heels

by Joanna Douglas

Forgive me for the delay in posts as of late, but I'm back with another um..duh, article. Who knew extremes were unsafe? I mean I don't see anything risky about making things really thin, sharp and tall and then sticking 100 to 200 mobile pounds on top of it...do you? Big shocker here people.


So this article says these extreme shoe sizes are due to escapism with the recent poor economy. Fashion gurous are out there wailing and crying, "oh no nobody's going to have the money to buy my $10,000 dress made out of shells I hand picked from the beach...oh I'll make really obnoxious big shoes instead that are only $800 and then they'll trip and fall, and break their ankles and the hospitals will make money and that crazy bitch Lady Gaga, oh my god love her, will make the shoes famous in a music video, she'll make money...everybody wins! Except the consumer. MUWAHAHAHAHAHA".

I have never understood, pain is beauty. I don't get girls that complain all night of being cold because they decided revealing most of their flesh in 30 degree weather was the only way they could enjoy a night out on the town. I mean if you must attract all that attention wear some extra layers and as the party starts heating up start removing them, then at least we're getting a real show. More like a surprise, like "oo, whats under that layer?" Instead of just showing up and revealing everything on the spot. After 15 minutes we've seen it all and the rest of the night there's nothing to look forward to. Except for if you wear these shoes viewers might get a good laugh when you trip and fall on your face.

If you're wearing 5" high heels at work then I have even less sympathy for you. Going to a party I guess can be considered close to halloween, dress up, have fun, get some good treats at the end of the night. However do you really think those 5 minutes strutting around the office showing off your legs and proving you look good is worth the rest of the 7 hours and 55 minutes your feet will be uncomfortable? Think you'll keep getting raises for being fashionably hot when your feet are revealed one day and they have callouses, bumps and bruises? And honestly hunny ask yourself this question. Are you hot enough to make crutches compliment your Prada bag, and Dolce and Gabbana suit?

Thats about all I have to say about that...read it if you're going to continue to wear these shoes..I know you will, just cant help yourself you big silly slut. But it gives you advice like taking the elevator instead of the stairs, wearing sneakers on the way to work. I know scary thought everyone seeing you in a hot outfit but sneakers, oh no!

Book Claims to Reveal Oprah's Secrets

Biographer: Oprah called self teen 'prostitute'

Kelley: Unreleased biography autobiography detailed adolescent promiscuity

By:Michael Inbar

*Raises eyebrows* *Walks around the office smacking everyone with a folded up magazine that reads this article and goes "Oh my god, Oprah did what?!"

This article is about an aparent biography on Oprah that might cause an uproar because oh my god Oprah has secrets..No way? People have secrets...oh right but Oprah is just an Icon and therefore not really human and to many people shes a super woman clearly not capable of making poor chioces and mistakes. Even though shes always been open about her past and her rough times in life.

Here's the thing, people need to stop getting all worked up when celebrities are either rumored to or truthfully said to have done something, especially in their past. These are humans people. Oprah did not come out of her mothers womb knowing she would be a major talk show host someday and therefore chose to never make mistakes or do anything remotely related to..hmm..having a life and learning from it.

This article states that Oprah never released her autobiography in 1993 that talked about many of her secrets from her past and now this Kelley person who is known for brutually revealing the "truths about celebrities" is revealing it all in her Biography of Oprah. I honestly don't care. Oprah had a tough life growing up, many of us do, and many people unfortunately are abused as children and later act out on that process by sleeping around. It does not lessen my opinion of Oprah because I don't put her or any other celebrity on a pedastool, they're just human beings people.

Oprah is a big girl now and can handle maturely I'm sure anything that comes out of this biography..and if not she's got enough money to remove Kelley from this Earth and erase all of our memories about ever reading such a book, or hearing about any of her dark secrets.

Read it i guess....or read the book...or read fiction where everyone is perfect and everything ends happily ever after...The End

Career Killers on Facebook

Six Career-Killing Facebook Mistakes

By: Erin Joyce

Found on Yahoo

DUN DUN DUN NA! You've been tagged! Oh my is that administrative assistant Sally doing a one hand handstand on a table..in a mini skirt...with a funnel in her mouth chugging Heiniken? Flash forward to Monday

Dear Sally we've called you into the office this morning, because you're an idiot and in the words of Donald Trump. "You're Fired".

Sally why did you get fired? Because you didn't take into account the other night when you were dancing to party in the USA living it up like your college days that come Monday morning those picture of you would be on Facebook. Innocently posted of course but you forgot this is the digital age, it makes the whole world seem like a one stop sign town. Word travels fast and so do pictures and your reputation. So here's a hint.. if you work in a professional environment DELETE FACEBOOK. Calm down you don't have to do that just making sure you're with me. However some other wise things to consider might be to tell your friends before you've put Mr. Jack Daniels in your mouth to please not post any pictures on Facebook. Go to Wal- Mart make a cd or have them printed then you can keep them in a box and pull them out with your friends and laugh saying, oh...look at me and your friend Brittany will go yea..you slut. *giggle giggle*and you'll still go to work Monday and Tuesday and so on.

Or post a sweet innocent picture of you and then secure your Facebook so that it doesnt show your wall with all your friends saying oh my god I can't believe you took your clothes off and danced to Single Ladies on Dave's coffee table last night. Or hey can't wait for our "Sick Day" from work to go shopping, bath and body have a sale *giggle giggle...you're fired and I slap you with a shoe.

To me it's just obvious if you're going to put yourself out there in a professional working environment that you need to monitor the social websites you're on. Do you need this article to tell you not to talk about your boss, your job, your co-workers on a 400 million active user site? *shakes head in shame*..le sigh..I guess we do and that's a shame.

If you don't understand the digital age by now you may read this article, everyone else lets sit back and laugh and remember that these same reasons could prevent you from getting hired as well. Sneaky little employees checking up on your before they make their decision..who knew?

Test Could Warn Smokers of Cancer Danger

Test Could Warn Smokers of Cancer Danger
A developing genomic exam may spot risk earlier and reverse its progress

By: Lauran Neergaard

Ok so originally I rolled my eyes at this one cause the title made me think, um...is anyone still questioning the surgeon generals warnings? Pretty sure its right there...warning..putting this puff stick into your orally fixated mouth and inhaling its toxins into your body can harm you. Labels people, remember the other day? Labels, not the ones that put you in a box, the ones that are on a box to HELP YOU!

But apparently this article goes deeper than that since apparently Mr Joe Smoe doesn't want to listen to the surgeon generals warning everytime he picks up another $5 pack instead he can get a test done to tell him if he's headed for danger, danger danger (sorry good ol Crocodile Hunter just popped in my head, may he rest in peace). If he's less likely to get cancer from the white stick of doom (or black or whatever other fancy smancy cigerette you smoke is). Or obviously he already has cancer.

Then this article says, if scientists hone this test and the genetic chain reaction (aka, cancer dance in your body, no thanks I wont be RSVPing to that) maybe they can reverse it before it becomes full blown.

I'm sorry people but heres a thought. We could save millions (maybe billions) on tests, research and hospital fees by, hmm...not putting the cancer stick in your mouth in the first place? Just a thought.

And dont think for one minute that if they don't find the molecular thundercloud in your windpipe that it means your risk free. Cause your little nicotine friend causes heart attacks and other cancers too. But no worries my smoking friends I'm sure we'll throw away billions more dollars on researching ways to help your illiterate and orally fixated stubborness because the label means nothing to you and apparntly neither does cancer.

Go ahead, read it. I wonder if scientists can make a cure for ignorant invincible blindedness?

Study: Breast-feeding would save lives, money

Study: Breast-feeding would save lives, money

By LINDSEY TANNER, AP

Medical Writer

Going to start first by saying that I am not a mother and claim no expertise in this area obviously. However seems to me our bodies do things for a reason. Have we not yet learned this? Since the beginning of pregnancy milk has formed in the oh so lovely place I like to lay my head and put my mouth on. Seems to me if something is happening for a reason, you should use it for that reason! Obviously way back when little miss Henrietta couldn't walk to her local pull out a lovely packaged and somewhat over priced gallon of wholesome goodness. Or a powdered baby formulated version. But, have you also not learned that organic is better?

This article is saying that if you would just whip out your boob every time your adorable mini version of you and the y chromosome person you happened to make this baby with needs it, your child would be healthier and you'd spend less time in the doctors office and possibly have less baby deaths, etc.

Don't mothers spend months going to how to breathe so you don't faint while your pushing out junior classes? Don't they pick up all those nuture, mother books and how to keep yourself healthy and your baby? Pretty sure in those books it would state for the first 6 months put the damn powdered formulated not as good for your baby as your breast milk down and give the kid the purest form. Your body put you through hell for 9 months for a reason. Not so you could go through it all for nothing. Your baby is here now, so do what you can to keep the little person healthy.

Look at it this way, aren't we always jealous when men get to walk around without a shirt on? Hey for six months ladies now you have a reason to walk around half topless.

This article and I understand that time is money as well and its hard to always have the kid attached to your breast, but apparently there's laws getting out there that let mothers have time at work and in public places to make sure your baby gets that nipple! I do not recommend however letting your other pregnant friends breast feed your child. I've heard of this...a little disturbing to me. This game is called whip out YOUR tit, not musical tits. Ok?

I think actually you all should read this article, found on Yahoo. Six months your breast milk only. Period end of story. Why doesn't anybody ever read the labels and listen?

How's the bunny connected to Easter?

By Lauren Effron

of Discovery News

So todays post is in honor of Easter. This isnt a ridiculis news article but after reading, leads to my commical review.

Ever seen Robin Williams Live on HBO? One of his jokes was about Easter and how you get a resurrecting Jesus and Chocholate Eggs. Easter egg hunts having children searching for Jesus. Well from then on I always wondered that too and heres your answer folks.

Christian families are celebrating Jesus in the morning with Pastor John and then celebrating a Pagan religion at grandmas. The bunny represents pagans god of Spring. And I quote, "The Teutonic deity Eostra was the goddess of spring and fertility, and feasts were held in her honor on the Vernal Equinox. Her symbol was the rabbit because of the animal’s high reproduction rate."

So there you have it your kids are celebrating a whole slew of mixed signals today. Happy family holy time all dressed up and eating Jeez its (Jesus Cheez-its) to later celebrate lots and lots of spring fevered humpity miracle egg laying rabbit gods.

*Claps for religion* Way to go America. Happy Easter everyone!

Does a Big Age Difference Doom a Relationship?

Does a Big Age Difference Doom a Relationship?

He Said/She Said

By dating editors Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd for Marie Claire
Oh boy here we go. *Rolls eyes*. First of all what is a dating editor? Like someone who walks up to couples in the street and goes woa...edit! You guys should not be holding hands like that. (positions hands as they see fit) Excellent, you are now free to roam about the street playing oh so perfect couple... Just wondering (Lets google it!) So now onto the article. Are you starting to see the ridiculousness I come across daily? Age will not doom a relationship, the maturity of each individual and the experiences they've had and their all around compatibility will make or break a relationship. So obviously someone 18 and someone 40 probably wont make it past a few months spent in the bedroom. No doubt the sex could be great, but tweenies craving for Ke$ha styled weekends are going to wear down the nearing a midlife crisis partner. Who knows maybe this 18 year old has the maturity of some 17th century princess but is it fair of the 40 year old to take her away from natural teen and young adult experiences? Don't think so. The man in this article says he dated every age from 20's to 50's after his divorce and the 20 year olds were attractive but lacked excitement (aka ability to carry on a conversation). The 50 year olds were able to talk about world politics but he wasn't attracted to them. What were the menopause conversations too much for you? Or are you just shallow? It wasn't the age it was his compatibility to these people and his own personality. He wants perky tits and brains. It's out there trust me but no ones perfect and again a lasting relationship is one that puts up with each persons not so pretty behaviors and still wraps their arms around you at night. Safe bet is to date one to 3 years older or younger than you but Im not going to say a big age gap is doomed from the start. To each their own and I say kudos to someone with a whole lifetime of experiences ahead of them who wants to date someone they have to help across the street. And kudos to anyone close to wearing depends who can land a pencil skirt wearing brainiac. If you really must check this article out and see the oh so reassuring picture of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher holding hands...awwwww.

Rep: Jesse James Heads To Rehab To Try & 'Save His Marriage'

Due to one of the worst tuesdays I've ever had yesterday and a current concussion I didn't post yesterday.
However here I am today with another pathetic article found on Yahoo from Access Hollywood.

To be honest most of the hollywood headlines make me laugh. Hollywood has gotten out of hand and these peoples lives are about as realistic as a soap opera.

Did we not see this one coming? Oh no another poor horney smuck decides he better show his "Blind Sided" wife he's oh sooooo truly sorry for letting money and fame get to his head, and I don't mean the one on his neck. I don't think James is doing anything different than any other cheater out there. You get caught and all of a sudden you want to play Mr. Nice Guy. These guys also have their reputation as celebrities to worry about. Boo Hoo! You fucked up, face the consequences. Must be nice to have money and a camera crew and someone to write an apology letter for you (Thats coming next) so you can show us how sincere you are about never leaving your John hanCock on another girls waxed paper. Get me?

It just disturbs me to no end that these celebrities don't ever think they should face consequences like normal people. You cheat, you need to let time heal, get help, or leave the bastard. Celebrities think oh we'll wave a wand, he'll go to rehab learn about fidelity and your right hand friend instead of skimpy girls. (Or left if you prefer, switch it up for those extremely lonely months when your wife is out making movies that win Oscars)
I'm sorry but I hope Sandra leaves him. I don't need this to be some happily ever after for the couple. I need it to be like real life, you fuck up that bad, you move on. Rehab is not going to help these guys. Tiger, James, and a whole lot more in Hollywood think celebrity means immunity.

If you must....no actually this article really isn't worth it.

Signs He's Really Mr.Right

Dating: 101 Is he Mr.Right?

By Dating expert Lisa Steadman

I may come off cynical. But these types of articles always make me roll my eyes when they pop up. Usually cause it will be right next to an article about the latest politics or world news, and then its oh my god is he the one?!


Now I definitely do not claim to be a dating expert (Wonder if Lisa Steadman is married? Or how long she has been with her current partner, sorry but I feel that would have to be on her resume) I just laugh when I see these articles cause I'm like, well is he Mr. Right? I don't know maybe some tell tale signs are if he's beating you to a pulp? Does he scratch his balls on the couch with his PS3 more than he helps you out around the house? Think a big one here ladies is, does he say I love you, pretty sure if you're showing up at his door and he just so happens to "never be at home" thats he's not reciprocating and not going to be your H4L (Hubby for Life).


I also just feel that how many times do we have to be told that someone you're going to commit to for the rest of your days should be someone you can talk to, who listens, someone you share common interests in but are both independent enough to do your own things as well, and its not just about sex. I'm sorry but do you really keep reading these Cosmopolitans and other articles with a shocked look on your face when it says, if you're relationship revolves around sex, it's headed no where?


This article says obvious things like. "A relationship without trust is doomed from the start". No really? And no girls we're not talking about him telling you you don't look fat in those jeans. We're talking about girls worrying everytime the man leaves the house that he's out boning something hotter than you because of your insecurities. The men also shouldn't be worrying about these things either.


The thing about these type of articles is they're setting you up for a fantasy. Mr. Right does this, Mr. Right is perfect. Poor guys have a high bar to follow from these articles. The truth is no ones perfect. MR. or Mrs. Right is going to be the one that can put up with your crazy ass and still say I love you every day and still make you laugh and feel good.


Here's what I always say when I see these articles. If you're reading this article, he's not the one. Think about it, if you were happy and knew he was the one, you wouldn't need to read about it. You'd be in your great world, thinking about how amazing your partner is. You'd be too busy being that overly happy couple that makes us all want to puke.(Damn happily in love for life, bastards) When there's problems I feel people see these articles and start reading, trying to piece together the feelings and worries they're already having but trying to find some security in what these articles have to say. Reading through it you're thinking. Well he does do that...and he does do that. However there's a big but you're throwing in there somewhere probably. Am I right?


Here's the big scary thing. We all know when something feels right. This article, me, your friends, your parents can't convince you that he, she is the right one. You already know, but it's either your insecurities, or other fears that keep you from leaving and half the time we all settle.


However...if you must..Read this article. It gives 5 sure signs he's the one. (*rolls eyes*) oh and good luck.

More Carry-Ons Cause Increase in Injuries

Video

"More Carry ons cause Increase in Injuries"

Found on MSN for NBC news.

Yes its another, Um...duh article title.

Do me a favor I want you to go home and load up your cabinets with all your cans and dry storage food you have and I Mean FILL your cabinets. Walk away, come back and go to open a cabinet for a little afternoon snack....Oh my god did a cambells chicken noodle (tomato for your veggetarians out there...or maybe some lentil soup) can just fall on your head, or you toe? O, Ouch. Could it be because you OVERSTUFFED THE CABINET?! Are we not aware that more clutter into small spaces leads to the possibility of things falling out, or tripping over things? Parents is it safer for you to walk into your own room and put clothes away or into your kids room where you trip over all their toys? Did we really need to pay the camera crew of NBC for them to tell us that more carry on luggage is going to result in injuries when everyones rushing off the plane?

But if you must...watch the video.

Introduction

Hello,
My name is Janelle and I'm going to give this blog thing a try. This blog is intended to bring commic relief to what I feel are some pretty ridiculis article titles out there. I'm going to do one tonight to give you an example. I'll try to do one a day and we'll see if I'm as funny as I think I am, or if people agree with me.
If all it does is make you chuckle a little than hey thats enough for me. So enjoy, and welcome to my blog!

"Unhealthiest Foods at the Mall"

Mens Health article on Yahoo.com by David Zinczenko

I'm sorry but its titles like these that I can't help but laugh and say..um duh. Could it possibly be the greasy but yet oh so delicious terriaki chicken the asian man lures you into with the free samples(my mall had that)? Not only that but we all know chinese food portions give you enough leftovers for two days.

I'm sure you're chuckling already thinking about the typical line up. Lets see my choices are, chinese, a different chinese, burger king, pizza...5 topping? O wait stuffed pizza! Mcdonalds, mmmm two burgers on one sandwhich, fries and a shake..$8 AWESOME!

These articles are just pointless to me. They're summed up in my mind before reading them. Avoid the courtroom, because honestly I know they offer salads but the second you smell all that greasy food are you really going to want your greens?

If you are a frequent shopper and are looking to cut down those pounds oh and have a fancy shmancy Iphone...well you know what they say, theres an ap for that, called Eat this, not that! I have the mentality to go, Stand back you oh so tasty but bad on my hips shake! But if you need the extra kick this ap will say things like NO NO NO that shake is 770 calories, better have that fruity smoothie instead thats only 150 calories. Yay! Walk on, continue shopping and good luck passing by the cinnabon window...

If you must...read this article.